Lights out. Let the pressure of your reality ooze into your space. Let yourself realize where you should be and where you are not. Bring forward in your mind, what is missing. There is no hiding from the pain, there is no denying the heartache. Lean in. You are alone. And with his absence you find the broken plans and dreams as your only company. The love that was full and priceless. The largest piece of your heart and soul. They are all gone with him. You have never lost that much of yourself before, there is an emptiness there that cannot be filled, a giant piece of you missing. You are asking God to glue you back together, when you know it can’t be fixed. You are struggling to pick up the pieces, but they are mostly shattered. And, you are finding that at the end of every day you discover yourself staring back at the life you wanted to live. You find yourself completely turned around grasping for the past that you cherished and the future you will never have. You are stuck in the middle of the pain that keeps you fully surrounded. You are being ripped, pulled, turned, scraped, bruised and stomped. You are raw. You feel as if you are decomposing in the ground that you struggle to rise from. You feel lost, because you have lost. You have lost him Sarah, he is gone.