Hello everyone! I realize that I need to do a bit of an update for my new life in Oz. So excited to share a bit with you all!
Yesterday, I turned in my final assessment of the semester, which feels so crazy! We have a few weeks left of class and then begin our conference intensives with Hillsong Conference around the corner. On Monday of this last week we had our performance night which was an accumulation of all of our hard work this semester. For grading, I had to choreograph and perform a solo as well as perform in a group piece. In addition, I danced in two other smaller group pieces. It was truly and honor and super fun. Hopefully, I’ll be able to share some of the pieces soon!
I am currently living in a 3-bedroom house about a 10-minute walk from campus, which is an incredible blessing. When we moved in we found that the house wasn’t furnished at all, so we spent the first couple of weeks flying around town trying to find a fridge and couches. Apart from a washing machine fluke, the house has been a great place to call home.
Hillsong College itself, is incredible. In my first couple of weeks here, I was surprised to find myself a bit more culture shocked than expected, yet the church itself seemed familiar, like a new home. Our first few weeks here consisted of intensives which taught about the fundamentals of church, ministry and leadership. I think if I’m being honest, I couldn’t wait for intensives to end and to begin dancing. I also felt a bit confused and disoriented. I’ve never seen myself as being the type of person to go to Bible college, and especially never thought about pursing church ministry. I found myself asking God why He brought me to a place where they equip young leaders to someday lead the Church. I felt so unqualified especially in the season that I am in. But when I presented this to God, He replied “On the contrary, Sarah, you’ve never been readier for this.”
The dance stream this semester has the most dancers they’ve seen in years. There are 21 of us from all over the world! We have two technique classes a week as well performance and choreography and dance ministry. I’ve actually found my relationship with God and dance to be the healthiest its ever been. He’s shown me there is freedom in the passion that He’s instilled inside of me. He’s also taught me to cherish and care for the gift that He’s given me. It’s taken me a long time in my life to except that I have a gifting in dance. I’ve always felt that because I wasn’t the best and because I never felt good enough, that I didn’t have a gifting. But I feel that God is teaching me that gifting in human eyes is so much more different than gifting in His eyes. That my gifting, just like everyone else, is unique to me and only me. No one can take the kiss of heaven that was directly placed in my heart. And here and now, God is teaching me how to finally use my gifting to honor Him and bring people into his presence. It’s in honor.
In terms of grief, I’ve found that it’s been nothing short of a roller coaster ride. While I haven’t had as much time to write (school is pretty full on), I’ve found that my journey with grief now is completely different. Stepping into a new environment with those who don’t know my story and didn’t begin the journey with me was daunting. But I think the hardest part of it all was realizing that God no longer desired for me to just survive, but to learn to live again. And this is the part of grief that I think we don’t talk about enough. The painful part where we begin to fill our empty book shelf once again. And sometimes you put way too many books on at once and realize that you can’t handle it. Sometimes you realize you need to place a new book up there that you feel like you aren’t ready to use. But you never get rid of your book of grief. And the only difference now, is that you need to take time to return to read it. I’d being lying if I said I give myself enough time to grieve. Returning to that big black book isn’t a place I like to bring myself to often. It often feels more painful than it used to be, and it reminds me that there are still deep wounds that need healing. It’s taken me a lot of time to realize that my journey (although everyone’s is beautifully unique) is very different. That some wounds can keep me from doing things the way I used to. And although they WILL and are healing, they take lots of time and tending. In that realization, I have begun to teach myself how to live my life in a way that doesn’t allow grief to control it, but also gives it a special place to be.
Thank you so much for your prayers in the support these past few months! If you’d like to know more about Hillsong College, please feel free to message me and I can give you as many details as possible (because there really is no place on earth as special as here). I’ll post below some prayer requests as well. If you’d like to join a prayer request email/Facebook group please let me know and I can send monthly prayer requests your way! Love you all!
Prayer Requests:
- Provision for my second year of college (Yes, I’ve decided to pursue staying a 2nd year to study Pastoral)
- A job (any will do)
- Accommodations (a house outside of college housing is much cheaper)
- Friendships
- Hillsong Conference (I am dancing in it!)
- Combating anxiety and depression
- Mental health/Grief